22

Jesus hangs in the kitchen

J's girlfriend : "You want a cup of tea sweetheart ?

J: "No, I gotta go see the guys, it's the last time we can get together and have supper and I need to say a few uplifting things.
They all look to me for direction because I'm the leader of the club, but I'm a little worried about one of them cos he likes to gossip.
Gossip can really kill you, you know.
And if we're going to make this thing work we all need to be together.
They say I'm a little paranoid.... but we'll see.
Our intentions are really good. We just have to convince everybody to be nice to each other.
Some of the other clubs are really aggressive.
Some of them act as if they really want to kill you if you don't believe as they do.
All we're trying to do is make people less selfish and care about each other, but the more you talk about it, the less humility you have.
You gotta do it by example.
Whew ....it's a tough job !"

J's girlfriend: "Yea, well why can't you stay home a little more, have our relationship out in the open,
maybe we can have kids and you can spend more time in your Dad's workshop, make a few more doors, bring in a few more sheckles".

J: "Yeah, yeah, always nagging.
I'll tell people about us- it's just all this responsibility they laid on me at birth. You know "the chosen one" and all that.
I really do believe I can be helpful and make a contribution to the club,
and then we can retire with a little more than a carpenter's wage and I can finally get out from under the shadow of my father.
Don't despair sweetheart, as soon as I get back from Jerusalem it will all be different".

J's girlfriend: " Yeah, Yeah, when we were kids you went somewhere and didn't come back for years.
The stories and rumors in the village made people think you were weird.
And I had to endure all sorts of unkindness.
I suffered in silence .
But not again!

What about our future?"

J: "As soon as I get back, I'll look for more work, maybe insurance."

J's girlfriend: "What's insurance?"

J: "It's like religion, you pay now in case something bad happens later".

J's girlfriend: "Why would people do that?"

J: "It's easy...you tell them stories about famine, petulance, floods, other tribes that want to be in control, and they pay and prey hoping nothing bad happens to them."

J's girlfriend: "Sounds like that sheckle shuffle game that they play on the tourists down at the market".

J: " It's all in how you look at it.
People want to feel safe whether it's real or an illusion.
I have a gift for this,
I'm just a salesman, but that doesn't mean it's a con.
We're soft selling peace and love,
I think it scares people.
We're thinking of doing something dramatic to get their attention but we haven't come up with a good idea yet....
First....maybe we'll get a good publisher
That stuff written in stone is hard to carry and it's pretty old fashioned.....
Can you think of any names for a book title?

J's girlfriend: "But ... Why You?"

J: " It could be anybody.....but
My dad filled me with all these grandiose ideas about being "the Chosen one" and making some kind of a contribution......so this is it......
So I give them a little magic, do as few tricks with bread and fish
It's symbolic ".

J's girlfriend: "Symbolic of what?"

J: " Well, basically all we're saying is don't be mean and play fair
You know, be nice to your neighbor".

J's girlfriend: "Yeah...

Easy for you to say,................that bitch next door borrowed my favorite dress and hasn't returned it yet...

You be careful what you're telling people ".

J: " We raise a few sheckles for the club
We try to make the people happy
Take their minds off their troubles and their taxes
What could possibly go wrong?
When I get back from Jerusalem it will all be different, you'll see!"

J's girlfriend: " What about a family?
You're 33 and I'm not getting any younger
We could have a kid the old fashioned way
You know dear,
the old in and out
That immaculate conception is a little too much for me.
I mean your Mom did it by magic with a spirit or something?
Where the hell was Joseph, with the gardener's wife?"

J: "Don't get mean ". J's girlfriend: " Well what is that immaculate conception thing?
It's misleading
I like the old get down...in and out
What's wrong with enjoying something so natural?"

J: "It's symbolic again
You know parents
They're afraid you'll get the wrong idea,
That we'll be humpen around like common barn-yard animals
So they paint a picture all flowery and poetic so that it has more significance
Besides, parents don't know how to talk to anybody else except other parents
And they don't do that so well....."

J's girlfriend: " Well, we'll do better.
And there's nothing wrong with humpen around a little if everybody agrees
All that guilt and shame...it takes all the fun out of it.
Humpen feels goooooooddd!
We're only one step up from the barnyard anyway....
You wanna do it before you go?"

J: " Yeah, .....
But don't be making fun of the barnyard
That's where I was born remember!"


[previous] backhome] [next]
BACK----HOME----NEXT